Coping with the emotional and financial aspects of a separation or divorce can be very difficult for all the family– those who find themselves in that difficult position often ask their lawyers “What should I be doing?”
They are looking for guidance on the practical steps that can help to ensure a divorce is equitable and fair, and that they manage to obtain all that they are entitled to. The first step for anyone considering divorce should always be to consult a solicitor who can provide specialist family law advice.
Specialist Family Law practitioners will provide advice aimed at seeking to minimise the angst of what is already a traumatic situation for all parties. To begin with, we would often suggest:
- Going to Court is usually not the best way to resolve the issues. Many couples should take alternative avenues for reaching agreement on the division of their assets and/or the care arrangements for their children. Negotiation, Mediation and Collaborative law are all effective dispute resolution options. There is also the option of family arbitration where a decision is needed by a private judge which has many advantages over the court system.
- Aim to establish a civil, business like relationship with your estranged partner and don’t argue in front of the children or involve them in the adult issues. It is not fair for them to be a middleman or to be asked to take sides between their parents, no matter the rights and wrongs of the situation. Think carefully about how you are going to tell them about any separation, what you are going to tell them and how you are going to reassure them. If possible tell them together with your spouse.
Everyone involved in a separation or divorce should also take certain practical steps:
- The more information you have, the better. In many marriages one party will handle the family’s finances and the other will have less knowledge having taken responsibility for other tasks. If you do not know much about your family’s income, outgoings and assets, find out. Retain copies of financial documents in a safe place and print information that is stored on the computer. Pay attention to the mail that comes in and glean information from that.
- Make a list of your assets and any debts and understand their value. If you can, you will also want to make a list of your spouse’s assets and debts.
- If your spouse is spending more heavily than normal consider closing or freezing joint accounts so that they do not run up balances that the bank can then ask you to repay. You should also aim to have some funds in an account in your sole name. This will ensure you have sufficient funds available to support yourself in the short term should there be any interruption of the usual financial arrangements. You should take advice from a solicitor before making any changes to the normal household financial arrangements.
- Update financial and legal documents as soon as possible. A married couple will routinely name the other as the beneficiary in their Will, on their insurance policies, and as their death in service nomination. Following a separation most people’s wishes change. Your financial and legal documents will need to be altered to reflect that.
Separation or divorce can often be a stressful and emotional experience. Support can be provided from friends, family members or from independent professionals such as your GP or a coach or counsellor. The better care you take of yourself, the better placed you will be to deal with the tough parts and make good decisions that will set you up in the best possible way for the future.
If you would like to discuss any of the issues raised in this article please contact Jennifer Maciver.
This article was published in the November issue of the Southern Reporter.
