When going through a divorce, a focus on practicalities and mutual interests rather than ‘winning’ is likely to deliver better outcomes
Any family lawyer will tell you that divorces happen at any stage of your married life. Couples may separate only months after marriage or the birth of a child, drift apart in mid-life, or surprise their families with an ‘empty nest’ or ‘grey’ divorce decades after tying the knot.
While the circumstances surrounding every divorce are unique, one over-riding question is critical regardless of your age or stage: what do your proposed divorce arrangements for both childcare and finances look like from a practical point of view ?
Rights vs reality
The stage of family life at which you split will steer some of the practicalities here. For instance, if you have younger children, you may need to consider a parenting plan, one parent working restricted hours due to childcare commitments, or the issue of school fees.
The length of your marriage and your respective career paths may also determine the practical ease of separating out your assets and structuring a financial settlement. The issues could include do you both work full time, can you both obtain mortgages, are there pension assets to share, and is it sensible to do so if either of you are close to retirement?
When negotiating their divorce arrangements, some people focus on their desire to ‘win’– especially if they feel wronged by their spouse in the marriage breakdown. It’s an understandable state of mind but may not lead to ideal outcomes for you, your partner or your children.
By insisting on the strict application of the law, you may achieve an outcome that does not work for anyone from a practical point of view. For example, an insistence on obtaining 50% of the equity in your house may result in that property being sold and your children losing their family home.
A good family lawyer should guide you through this balancing act, weighing up all the considerations and achieving tailor-made solutions. These can ensure you receive a fair settlement but not at the expense of the practical outcome that you desire.
Divorce in practice: children
A good example of the importance of practicalities in divorce is the arrangements for children. People sometimes insist they want to share care equally when this may be incompatible with the realities of their working lives – for example, one parent may work regular and long stints offshore or abroad.
By negotiating arrangements they probably cannot adhere to, they may open the way for a range of negative outcomes including deteriorating relationships with their children or co-parent or a forced career change. In such cases, their ‘win’ on the arrangements doesn’t look so positive.
Published 16 October 2025
